One for the Lady Go-Getters

Remember that one time I had a blog?

Yeah, me too. Sorry about that. I really felt like my horrible dating stories were my peak and once I got married no one would want to hear from me again.  'Cause when I was single and my married friends would say, "It will happen when the time is right", I just wanted to tell them that does not make me feel any better.  

I was thinking, maybe I should post a married post about how four months of marriage has been incredible and now I can tell everyone else, "It will happen when the time is right". However, I just don't feel right about posting about my marriage until I give a little background story about how I got there.  

It wasn't always very pretty.

I met RJ when I was a freshman in college, my first day of college actually, and I did not formally meet him. I saw him walking across the courtyard in all of his BYU football get-up glory, massive calves, and pressed my face against the glass. Yep. Oh, do not worry this happened every time I saw him walking across the court yard.

I actually got the chance to meet RJ at family home evening and did he even give me a second glance? No. That was fine though because I ended up being really good friends with his roommates and we hung out all the time. I kept trying. I only let RJ drive my Tahoe to whatever adventure all of our roommates were going on and I sat shotgun, every time. 

(Everyone shoved in the Tahoe, me in shot gun, RJ driving on the right). 

 Every picture, I was right next to RJ.  Oh RJ wanted to go fishing? Okay, I don't even know how to fish, but I will go. RJ wants to go to the rodeo? Let's go!

(Oh what do you know I'm standing next to RJ)

(There's me, standing next to RJ again)

(Before the rodeo, where am I? Oh, there I am, right next to RJ.)

Did he ever ask me on a real date? Nope. Would I come over to his apartment and his roommates would tell me he was on date with someone else? Yep.

(This was before he was going on a date with some girl. Why was my hair so layered?)

I was fine with that, he was not interested and I got over it! All I did was try, I made it very clear I was interested, he was not feeling it, and so I stopped. It's when you do not stop pursuing someone who is clearly not interested that it becomes a problem. I was all for giving it a full-hearted effort and accepting defeat. I ended up dating other people and so did he.

Next year, everyone left on missions, including RJ. I do not know what happened that year to make me change so much, but I think I lost all of my confidence. School got hard, I compared myself to the other seemingly perfect BYU students, I was studying more often, getting asked out less, and snacks were my favorite study buddies. I was not fun or happy like I was before and I developed a mindset that, "If a guy likes me he will ask me out, he has to chase me, he does all of the work".  

That is just not fair. 

It was probably a defense mechanism, but there is no excuse for that thinking.  Guess what, when I had that mindset I got asked out like four times total, with no second dates because I was not giving the guy any reason to ask me out again.  

Another year goes by and I am that bitter girl who tweets things like:

"That awkward moment when everyone else in your family has a significant other and you don't".

"Sometimes I type in my passcode wrong just so my phone vibrates and it feels like someone is texting me...."

"JUST ONCE I would like to walk into my apartment and not walk into a crazy make out sesh too. Just. Once."

Then one stressful night I am with my mom trying to get the LAX in bumper-to-bumper traffic and I miss my flight. My mom ends up making it fun and we stay in a hotel in order to try to catch a flight the next day. A reminder pops up from Facebook saying I confirmed to go to RJ's homecoming talk the next day, due to the missed flight that was not going to happen. I shut my phone off and try to get some sleep, but I can't sleep. I kept thinking about freshman year and how happy I was back then.

Imagine a dark hotel room:

"Mom?"

"Yes, Rebecca?" 

"So there is this guy named RJ and I said on Facebook that I was going to go to his mission homecoming. In Utah, the parents make a bunch of food and stuff.  Should I message him and let him know I can't come? You know, to be polite?"   (Excuse)

"If you want to."

"It's not a big deal, that would be weird. Facebook messaging is weird."

"Okay. Goodnight."

"Mom?"

"Yes, Rebecca?"

"I kind of want to message him, but will that be too forward?"

"I don't know, I am sure it's no big deal."

"I won't, it's way too forward. If he's interested he will message me."

"Okay, goodnight."

"Mom?"

(Slightly more irritated) "What, Rebecca?"

"I messaged him and he asked for my number! WHAT DO I DO?!"

"Give him your number."

Bless my mom for being so dang patient. Yes, I was out of dating practice so I asked my mom for help. I am not ashamed! Thanks Mom.

Long story short, I put in a lot of effort to show RJ I was interested. My sister constantly reminded me that it is really no big deal to invite a boy over that you are interested in and make him dinner. I disagreed, HE should be making ME dinner! 

But because I am a little sister and listen to everything my big sister says because she is usually right, I asked him over so I could make him dinner. I asked him to the movies. I asked him to hang out.  

Now we are married and I am really glad I did.

Asking girls out is probably scary, invite a (nice) guy over for dinner. In return, guys, show up on time and bring a dessert for goodness sakes! (RJ brought pie and when he left I ate the leftovers it was so good). 

So, my post is not about telling anyone how to get married or that, "their time will come when it's right." It's more for the girls who are in that bitter-towards-dating stage that I was in. I needed the help of friends and family to get me out my imaginary world where men did everything for me when I wouldn't give them the time of day. It really is 50/50. Do not be like me and seclude yourself to your room to study all Friday night, then be sad when your roommates go on more dates than you. So go stand next to the boy you're interested in, in pictures (probably not to my extent, but whatever), make him dinner, text him to tell him that the date was awesome, tell him you would like to see him again. It takes effort, it's scary, frustrating, and hard.

But it's worth it. 

Go be a lady go-getter, it's so much more fun.